We should all wear scrubs.

I’ve been trying to watch what I eat lately, so I avoid the drive-thrus on my lunch breaks. Yesterday I went to Subway, a-la-Jared. I figure that’s a good way to lose a couple of inches off the ole’ waistband.

While I’m waiting in line for my meatball sandwich I notice the group of people in front of me are all wearing scrubs. You know what scrubs are, the loose-fitting, V-neck shirt and pant combo made in the comfy cotton/polly blend typically worn by doctors and nurses.

Now these folks were definitely not doctors. I’m not saying anything disparaging about their appearance or anything, but they just didn’t give off that doctor quality. For the record, I’m sure I wouldn’t pass for a doctor either, even if I had scrubs, a stethoscope and one of those cool headbands with a mirror attached to it. So let it be known, I am not putting them down. I’m just extremely jealous.

You would be jealous too if you could see how incredibly freaking comfortable these people looked. Here it was, the middle of the workweek, and these hard-working folks are about to eat in a public establishment wearing what are essentially pajamas. Take notice next time you see someone on a shopping errand or at a fast-food eatery wearing scrubs, you’ll see a very comfortable person, confident in what they are wearing.

People in scrubs must constantly be thinking, “Yeah, this elastic waistband with the draw string is less constricting than your whole pants with a belt and a belt loop thing you’ve got going on, thank you for noticing. But you know what? I’ve been to work today, and I work hard for my money. I’ve earned the right to be this comfortable!”

Well, maybe not all of them are thinking that all the time, but I know I sure would be.

Why do some people get to wear scrubs while others do not? The most well known professions that society deems scrubs-worthy are doctors, nurses, dentists, and dental assistants. Based on this list, you could come to the conclusion that scrubs are only to be worn by those in the health field. But in the words of Lee Corso, “Not so fast my friend.”

When I drop off my son at daycare, the daycare professionals (is that what you call them?) are also experiencing the casual, carefree comfort of scrubs. And I’m not saying they shouldn’t be. They have enough poop, puke, slobber, snot and any number of un-named bodily fluids coming out of those kids to deal with. They don’t need to worry about keeping up with current fashion trends at work. An easily cleanable, relatively in-expensive work uniform is entirely appropriate.

But by this rationale, shouldn’t my wife, an elementary school teacher, get to wear scrubs too? She deals with all sorts of grossness coming out of kids’ noses and other face holes. Think back to your elementary school days. You remember how often a kid puked in class and the janitor had to bring that bucket of sawdust to the room? That’s my wife’s life on a daily basis. She also has finger paints, inks, glue, markers and other messy craft-making equipment that could stain her clothes. Yet my wife is always dressed in the highest fashion appropriate for any occasion. She has impeccable tastes … and she pays for it too.

America’s work force should STOP THE MADNESS. We ALL deserve the comfort of wearing scrubs. Fashions developed by Seven Jeans, Abercrombie & Fitch and other really, really high-end places (like the one I purchase my gear at – Target) should only be worn at singles bars when trying to get laid. That way you let people know the “open for business” sign is up. On work occasions, regardless of the profession, scrubs should be worn.

Believe me I’ve often contemplated wearing scrubs myself, even though I am not affiliated with any of the above-mentioned jobs. There’s just this fear that I’ll be going into Walgreens to get some milk or something, and somebody I know will be like, “hey, Bret … you get a new job?” And I’ll have to be all, “no, why?” It will be a pretty uncomfortable situation. What would be worse though is if I’m sitting in a fine restaurant somewhere and somebody chokes on a bite of double stack with cheese. Then people will see me with my scrubs on and get the wrong idea. It might go like this:

Concerned Citizen: Sir! Sir! Help us, please! Are you a doctor?”
ME: No, but thank you for thinking I could be … I didn’t really think I had that doctor-like quality…
Concerned Citizen: Never mind that! We have a situation here. Are you a nurse? A dentist?
Me: No. I ahh …
Concerned Citizen: Daycare worker?
Me: No, but I think they have every right to wear comfortable, easy to wash clothing.
Concerned Citizen: Oh, yes. I agree. And public and private school teachers as well.

And before you know it, the poor guy is dead. So until we as society as a whole accept that scrubs are for everyone, not just certain professions, I won’t wear them. I’ll continue with my constricting jeans and collared shirts that the system deems appropriate for me to wear. Since I work at a cubicle (or career station, as my co-worker calls it) no comfy scrubs for me.


P.S. Aren’t you glad I made it through this entire blog without mentioning that stupid show on NBC.